We know there is power in intentions.
We have always known this.
That's why fairy tales are filled with people making wishes.
 
And fairy tales illustrate another truth as well:
Our wishes and intentions always go sideways.
Every.  Single.  Time.
 
So here is the secret fairy tale truth of making intentions: 
It will almost instantly go sideways.
This is not a bug.  It's a feature.
 
Why?
Because everything in our life that is NOT ALREADY the thing that we want?  It pops up to the surface to be dealt with.
 
“Really?  You want to get rid me?  Are you sure? I'm so safe and familiar! 
You SURE you want to let go of me?  Really?" 

 Instantly, we go sideways.
 
Here’s how it worked for me when I made a 2021 New Year's Resolution--as you can see in the video:

• I made the intention.  For 24 hours—it felt amazing!
• Then:  the first challenge came up.  Still felt amazing.
• Second challenge came up.  Still felt amazing.
• Third thing came up (I swear it really was the third thing) and I totally flipped out.

 
Ah, said I.
(Not in the moment, but later on)
Ah. 
 
This thing that I said I wanted--
This thing that I put my heart into--
It is Jan. 5, and it has already been challenged.  Not once, not twice, but three times.
​
Until the current structure breaks apart, there is no place for the new thing to exist.
 
So the deep secret to intentions is to open your eyes and see the shadow of what you intend.

Because that is what you will have to grapple with.
Prepare yourself to encounter the thing that is exactly and precisely NOT what you want.
Because until you grapple with that, there is literally no logical place for what you DO want.  Otherwise, you would already have it! 

My daughter, adopted at the age of 10 months from China, relied upon her own body's intelligence to calm her down to sleep at night.  She used to rock her body--HARD--from side to side.  It was heartbreaking for me because I really wanted to cuddle her to sleep.  

Nope.  Not for awhile.  She had learned a survival skill that worked, and it would take her a few weeks to learn other ways of being okay.

But it remained an important go-to for years.  She sometimes used this super-hard rocking motion all the way through some very difficult teenage years.

And to be honest, I tried it out myself.  
Yep.  Worked for me, too.

So when I found out that scientists had discovered the neurological benefits of uncontrollable shivers and shakes for  animals like deer and rabbits after escaping a predator, it made total sense to me.

And now, as a coming-out-of-pandemic gift, I invite you to shake it off with me in this video! 

You're a human in 2021.
Therefore:  you have trauma to release before you'll feel REALLY better.

Pro Tip:  Skip to 2:33 to start shaking it off right away!
Double Pro Tip: Small practices are good.  Long-term strategy is better.

I am pleased to offer you a complimentary Professional Power Assessment.
You'll feel empowered when you learn the 3 most common ways that emotionally intelligent professionals give away their personal power.

You are in my heart!
​Lynnea

​

• Wait, what?! 
• What just happened?
• What just came out of your mouth? 
• What just came out of my mouth?!  ​

When volcanic emotions erupt from seemingly nowhere--it can feel like you and your parent, your partner, your roommate, or your child have just been sucked into a fiery pit. 

 Everything was fine just one hot second ago!  
But not now. 

Now, all of a sudden, you are in what The Gottman Institute  calls The Roach Motel.   Suddenly, you are in a place with no exit, and nothing feels safe or real anymore. 

​
People talk a lot about grounding.
But how do your ground yourself?
Well, I have a ton of tools for grounding.  One that I often teach is alternate nostril breathing.

But you are probably not going to do alternate nostril breathing when the crazy hits!  


Here's what you can do instead:

• Feel your feet on the ground.
• Breathe consciously. 
• Ah, there's the the breath. 
• And there's my feet on the ground

Sometimes just noticing the feet and the breath is enough.
But sometimes, it is not. 
This is why it's crucial to practice.
If you practice, then, when you are in the "performance," you know what to do.
The body will start to do the right things automatically. 

 Now you may actually have the capacity to actually see the other person, as you already see yourself (See STEP ONE)
And you can get curious: 
Is this right, is this right? 
And you mean it.  You're not being sarcastic.
I really want to know if I am understanding you. 
​Am I getting this right? 

AND stay with yourself, too!

Anytime you feel yourself ungrounded, you need to feel your feet, sense your breath. 


Wow—this is a lot.  This person is dealing with a LOT.  Can I keep doing this?

Maybe not.





​Maybe I'm at the end of my capacity, and the amygdala hijack is taking over.  I'm feeling faint. I’m feeling frozen.  I feel like I can’t move.  I feel like I need to fight.  I feel like I need to get out of here--fast!. 

That may be the place that you actually need to exit. 
And that's totally fine. 
As long as you make an exit promise:

I need to take a break right now. I’m in overwhelm.  I can revisit this again in half an hour.
(45 minutes.  Tomorrow. No later than 2 days.) I am at capacity now.

Then, you get to exit.   
And you need to be okay with the reality that the other person is going to maybe have some feelings of abandonment about this.  

And that sucks. It really sucks, but as long as you have done the work:  "Can I stay grounded? Can I see myself?  Can I see them?  Is this at base a  safe relationship?” you are NOT abandoning them.

All of that groundwork allows you to get to that point where you can engage in an exit that is not an amygdala-hijack flee-move.

 You're not just like: I'm out of here. 
​
And, if possible, exiting while you are more aware and less triggered--this is going to be beneficial for you, for the other person, and for the relationship.

Yes—the grid is cool!
These four quadrants are really fun brain-candy.  The idea is to pay attention to which quadrant you are spending your time in.  If you spend most of your time in Quadrant 2—yay!  You win!  You are a Highly Effective Person.  

But urgency is compelling . . . 
and women tend to be the ones who deal with the urgent, pressing problems of life and other people (bosses, colleagues, kids).  Most women I know have days and even weeks fueled by adrenaline.

And truth be told--it actually feels amazing at first.  When we are faced with a crisis or a deadline, that surge of adrenaline clears out the sludge and gives us a sense of focus, purpose and direction. 

But our bodies are simply not made to run on adrenaline.  Years ago, one of my friends shocked me when she said, in an airy yet tired voice:  Oh yes!  My adrenal glands are shot. My doctor says that's true for most women.
 
So it is an actual life challenge is to learn to fuel ourselves with plentiful sleep, nutritious food, and deep-focus (Quadrant 2) instead of the adrenal-gland-killing state of Quadrant 1.

Sound overwhelming?
Wait--breathe with me here.
Start small. 
 
Here are 3 tips to gently shift out of your addiction to emergency
 
TIP 1:  Notice your body.  Next time there’s a crash in the next room or you see your ex’s number on your caller ID, notice the tingly surge of adrenaline run through your body.   After it is gone, do you wish you could feel energized like that again? Pay attention to your body's desire to create more of that juice.
 
TIP 2:  Become curious:  Hmm—am I chasing someone else’s urgency or emergency?  If we are used to running on adrenaline, it may feel good to keep it going.  Someone is always having an urgent moment, and if you are used to spending more time in Quadrant 1 than Quadrant 2, handling other people’s urgencies just becomes a way of life. 

(But not the way of your life--so stay in that energy of curiosity and . . .)
 
TIP 3: Invite Discernment.  Is something feels urgent, ask yourself:  is this something I need to deal with now or not? If the answer is yes—deal with it.  You are in Quadrant 1.  But if the answer is no, you are in Quadrant 3—and you get to discern: Do I put this on a list to deal with in my Quadrant 2 focused time?  Or can I just let it go?
 
And one final bonus tip!  The traditional advice for Quadrant 4 is to eliminate or reduce.  But it is more realistic to make a plan for those mindless clicks.  You may decide to set a timer and spend 5-10 minutes on non-urgent, non-important tasks as a way to relax in a waiting room or as a wind-down into something more mindful:  meditation or a relaxing bedtime routine.
 
If you want a deeper dive into Urgent vs. Important, join my private Facebook Group:  The Bottom Line is You!  I have a video on this very topic, plus a growing library of COVID-responsive videos on emotional hygiene and productivity at home.
 
CLICK to join my private FaceBook group:  The Bottom Line is YOU!

You are on the couch.  Your laptop is open.  You are staring.  You are clicking through your open tabs.  Calendar.  To-Do List.  Trello.  Facebook.  Gmail.  Zoom. Word.  Mom? Where’s the dog toothbrush? 

Wait--how did I get to the fridge?  Something cold and sweet actually sounds good.  Wait—I have an appointment soon.  Where is my phone?
 
Sound familiar?
 
If you have a living memory of how you used to rock your multi-tasking, working-from-anywhere world, it may still feel shocking to you, how hard it is to be productive at home right now.

• According to a friend who is also a productivity master, we have all been waking up every day emotionally taxed at 20%.  That’s a high rate.  It means that at best, we are operating at 80% of what used to be normal.
• Many of us are working from home with children also at home—and the tug that we always feel between working more and being more with the kids has morphed into a more or less constant knot of guilt and frustration.  Now we’re at a 30% emotional tax.
• Almost everyone is anxious about school starting.  Or not starting.  Or starting and then stopping. 

 
It’s a lot.
 
And yes, you all know that I have a whole bunch of free body-based emotional processing tools.
 
But today, I’ve got something a little different to share with you.
One small tweak to help your pandemic productivity problems.
 
It’s simple.
It’s elegant.
I’ve used it for years.
And I’ve re-vamped it for the ever emerging whack-a-normal!
 

Back in 2008, my office was in a kitchen that I shared with my colleagues.  Now, I’m an out-of-control extravert, so I was actually pretty happy. 
But not productive. 

I had heard about standing desks, and so, DYI that I am, I brought in a cardboard box, stuck my monitor on top, and got much joy from the sudden increase in my  energy!  My boss, being an angel, soon made sure that I had a more sturdy wooden tabletop standing desk, and now I have a decked-out, fully-automated standing desk that raises and lowers from standing to sitting.  

I love that desk.

It's in my office at the university.
Where I am not working very often.
You know—because of possible contagion.
 
At home, where I am protected from contagion but have no cool desk, I found myself getting sleepy instead of energized.
And grouchy with my daughter.
And distracted by the cat and dog and dishes.

​​So here is my one little tweak to help your productivity problems at home:
 
Create standing workspaces throughout your home.
 
This does not necessarily mean a full-out standing desk (though if you have the money and space—fantastic!)

During her divorce, a woman woke in the night with one clear thought. 
This is an unprecedented opportunity for spiritual growth. 

Ten years later, this same thought is helping her stay grounded, productive, and stable during the myriad crises facing her (and the rest of the planet!) right now.
​

 The terror and suffering we experience when our support systems collapse are an urgent invitation to evolve into a new reality that is already here as an uninvited guest.

​In crisis, we are compelled to create new ways of staying grounded and acting with consciousness, compassion, and intentionality.


Here are 3 Keys to Not Wasting This Crisis.

Seriously?  Match the energy of feeling freaked-out? 

Yes.  Seriously.

• Say "hello" to your freak-out.  Look in a mirror and literally allow your freak-out to be seen--and then greet it as if it were a small, scared child.
• With curiosity and compassion, ask "What do you need?"  Take any answer you get seriously.

The energy may not be freak-out.  It may be anger or grieving or heartbreak.  Whatever it is--match it first, and then harness it through emotional hygiene.

What is emotional hygiene? 
It's actually a lot like physical hygiene. 
Emotional hygiene is a practice of clearing out trapped, stuck, or stagnant old emotions. 

Why do we need emotional hygiene?
Because emotions are a powerful energy that you can use to make your life better!

​Emotions get trapped inside us every day, and we need to clear them out, or they cause distress and disease.  And here's the thing:  it is a lot easier to feel our daily accumulation of uncomfortable feelings now than it is to feel them tomorrow or next month or next decade.

Unfelt feelings are like credit card debt.  It hurts to pay that money when it's due, but it hurts a lot more to pay it after it has accumulated interest!  

So what is a good emotional hygiene practice? 
There are so many! 

We live in an age where our knowledge about the biology of trauma and the energetic practices of emotional release are attracting an unprecedented combination of both cultural respect and scientific precision.

But breathing and moving the body are the foundation of all of them.  So begin here:

• Match:  Take 20-40 seconds 4-5 times a day to notice your breath, to stretch, yawn, and wiggle your toes, or to dance like nobody's watching!  You are likely to notice some emotion arise.  Your job is to greet and welcome it!
• Harness:  Say to your feelings the actual truth. "I am scared of feeling this, but I welcome you and thank you for things you are teaching me."

I would love to support you as you experiment with these practices.  Click to join my private facebook group, where I keep loading lots of emotional hygiene videos.

You have got to be kidding me. 
Inertia is my enemy!

It seems to most of us that this is true.  Inertia seems like it is keeping us from action. 
But inertia is really just a truth about physics. 

• Bodies in motion tend to stay in motion. 
• Bodies at rest tend to stay at rest.  

How does this truth about bodies affect us?

Let’s go back to March.   When I switched to online teaching after the pandemic hit, I set up many zoom chats to check in with my students. Over and over I heard them say almost exactly the same thing:

It’s hard to work from my bedroom.  I’m used to working at the library.  I’m used to running into friends between classes.

My students had been using inertia to their benefit. 
 
Most of us have taught our bodies to stay in motion once we leave the house, and to stay at rest once we are home.

But while we shelter in place, the flow of inertia for many of us has changed. 
We easily feel trapped by the “body at rest” part of inertia.

So how do we work with inertia, not against it, to balance and energize our lives?

1. In the evening, use the “body in motion” force to set up your morning flow.  Get your bed all comfy.  Set your alarm and prepare your bath for transition into “body at rest.”  Prioritize tasks for the next day.  Prepare the space coffee and breakfast and self-care and children routines to be finished at a certain time, as if you had to leave the house at a certain time.  Turn off your screens and turn on relaxing music.
   
2. Transition into “body at rest.”  Use the warm water, toothbrushing, exfoliating, and moisturizing time to clean your body and soften your emotional defenses.  It’s effective and efficient to do emotional hygiene as you do physical hygiene. 
3. In the morning, meet “body at rest” energy with kindness.  Massage your feet for a moment before getting out of bed. Stretch luxuriously.  Set a timer for 5 sweet more minutes of body-at-rest.  Do emotional hygiene again as you brush your teeth.  Move and wiggle and dance a bit without any directed objective--just put your body in motion!  (Bonus:  you can include the kids in all of this, if that is what is happening.  They will benefit from your healthy intentions to work with the flow of inertia rather than against it.) Then use the body-in-motion inertia to flow into your coffee and breakfast and priorities!

Click here to join my private facebook group, The Bottom Line Is You. 

You'll get lots of videos about emotional hygiene and productivity at home.
You can even post a request, and I’ll address it in an upcoming video!

Click to join The Bottom Line is You.
See you soon!

Warmly,
Lynnea