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1/22/2018

Imperfection is not the enemy; it's an illusion

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​Perfectionism.
​
It’s a backhanded compliment:
​
​

We half-curse/half-compliment
our perfectionism. 
​ 
​And then it backhands us.
(Like an abuser.)
(Which it is.)

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Imperfection. 
​Imperfection is okay, then.
​

It just means the we are human--right?

Of course. 
Yes.
​




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But we still don't want to be associated with the word:

I love you.  You're so imperfect.
I finished the job!.  I hope you think it’s imperfect because that’s what I was going for. 

​Nope.  Doesn't work.

Even John Legend's love song "All of Me," which celebrates the "perfect imperfection" of his love, sounds a bit off at first, and we sort of have to sink down into his meaning before we can stop ourselves from silently chastising him for even noticing, much less saying out loud, that his beloved has any imperfections.

The perfectness of the world, as it is, at each emerging moment 
is a mind-blowing truth every time we touch into it.  But the everyday mind doesn't like to be blown; it likes to understand.   So it works really hard:  labeling things and actions and even our own selves as good or bad. 

Thus imperfection becomes an enemy. 


Why does imperfection become an enemy?
The 1-Point of the Enneagram might help us respond to this question--because it represents the yearning sense we have for something very precious:  a paradise that we used to inhabit, a place and a time when everything was perfect. 

A sense, too, that we did something wrong, got kicked out of the Garden, and now we are enduring the excruciating pain of being cut off from Goodness itself.  And we will do anything to get back there:  work hard, do it right, make no mistakes, improve ourselves, improve our work, improve  our homes and children and pets. . .
 
Our sense of an unbearable fall from a world and a life that used to be perfect makes imperfection into an enemy.
​
But of course, it is not.

Imperfection ultimately does not even exist. 
Imperfection is simply a profoundly compelling illusion that traps us inside what Tolle calls psychological time:  a mind-created a sense of ourselves as stable, a sense of our lives as things that should not change without our express permission.  

When we say it in such stark terms, we see that the idea of doing it perfectly, doing it right . . .  is utterly futile. 



​Because "it" is already perfect.  
 We just don't perceive it as such in the flow of our daily busy-ness.
For it is our busy-ness, our daily-ness,  our holding on to past joys and hurts and our drilling into future plans and fears—this is what keeps the illusion of imperfection alive as an enemy to fight against.

Ultimately, then, no thing is imperfect. The unfoldment of matter and energy in time simply is what it is.

But most of the time, this truth is too slippery for us to grasp, and this is probably good.  Why?  Because as a concept (as opposed to a lived experience), the idea that everything is perfect is counterproductive at best and dangerously neglectful at worst.  (Think of Pangloss in Candide.)

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As a concept (as opposed to a lived experience), the idea that everything is perfect is counterproductive at best and dangerously neglectful at worst. ​
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Perfection is never more and never less than the breath you are taking right now.
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​So what tools in our kit of mindful living might be useful when our experience of living feels constrictive, when things seem very strongly as if they ought to be different (and better!) than they are right now?
 
Here's a good one: 
Befriend reality. 
Befriend things are as they are. 
 
But  how do I befriend reality when it feels unacceptable? 
  • Begin with the breath.
  • Fill your heart with the love of a child or a parent or a caterpillar or a cactus.
  • Invite a sense of softness, ease, compassion, space.
  • Note a distant sound, and allow it to fill your ear.  Feel the vibration until all traces of the sound are truly gone.
These easeful befriending practices are powerful.  Because they shatter the illusion of imperfection and bring us face-to-face with the deepest reality:  that perfection is never more and never less than the breath you are taking right now.



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1/13/2018

The Paradox of Living Unstuck

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Paradox:  two incompatible things that are both, somehow, mind-blowingly, true.
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Copyright:<a href='https://www.123rf.com/profile_pogonici'>pogonici / 123RF Stock Photo</a>
We all want to live unstuck.  We just don't know how. Because HOW is a paradox. 

​So, if we are going to invite ourselves to experience life-unstuck, let's make it easy. 
Let's allow the inherent paradox.  Let's examine its two incompatible elements.
​

 
Incompatible Thing One
Living unstuck happens fast—happens instantly, in fact.  It always and only happens in this moment, in this present unfolding now, in this instant melting and melding, in this knowing of each in-breath and outward touch and word unsaid and minute stretch of muscle and thought and on and always.

Incompatible Thing Two
Living unstuck takes time.  Old patterns loosen their grip on our consciousness only over the course of time as it unfolds through our lives. 

An easeful resolution . . . 
Moment after moment of awareness (Incompatible Thing One)  that we are life (as Tolle says) loosens the patterns of thought, behavior, and emotions that otherwise keep us stuck.   

And here is where my advice becomes less meaningful than attuning to your own inner wisdom.  (But I’ll give you first a bit of advice, just in case it is helpful.)  And then I'll offer some help in attuning to your inner wisdom.
 
Here is the advice, my dear friend:  befriend the paradox by attuning to your body’s infinite, unfolding wisdom.

And here is the help in doing so: 

Breathe consciously.  Practice yes-breath or alternate nostril breathing.  Or, just invite yourself to notice the lovely, magical, swirling place at the top of your breath cycle, where the inbreath becomes the outbreath.  Just notice it.  Two or three times a day is plenty. 
 
Move to the off-rhythm of life!  Imitate a 2-year-old’s facial expression.  Spread your toes and see if you can sense the dip in-between your second and third toes.  Shimmy your shoulders (just try it, just once, and then you can go back to what you were doing.) Surreptitiously smile and raise and eyebrow to see if anyone else noticed your shimmy.  Stick out your tongue without opening your lips.  If you live in Saint Louis, do a little soul dance.  
 
Do these things in the unfolding present moment, whenever you think of it.  Build reminders into your day.  Notice whatever shifts in you when you do the weird things above, (aka creative joint play).  Appreciate from your depths any joy, relief, calm, peace, or giggles that arise.  Ask for more and more and more of this.
 
Small shifts in the present now are the undoing of egoic patterns of behavioral, thought, and emotional responses. 
 
I deeply hope that these reminders are useful for you today, and for most of you, they likely are enough!  Yay! 

But if you are in a place of transformation and would benefit from individual support, we can easily have a brief and free conversation.   

(I’m actually unusually good at attuning to what is unfolding within people—clients, friends, family—which is why I’m developing this coaching practice, the central tools of which are available in this workshop—How to Live Unstuck, Imperfect, and Free.  
 
It’s also why I’m collaborating with other health-and-wholeness professionals in the Saint Louis area to create Owning Your Wholeness events. )

Appreciation all around!  And may you feel an ever-greater sense of unfolding ease.
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We all want to live unstuck; we just don't know how.

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And we don't know how because how is a paradox.

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    Lynnea (her Ph.D. being in English) shares her training and wisdom here, to help her gentle readers live freely and fully in the unfolding present.

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  • Home
  • About
    • About Lynnea >
      • Blog: Live Beyond Your Story
      • The Phoenix Fire of My Two International Adoptions
    • About The Enneagram
    • About Embodied Transformation
    • Testimonials
  • What can I expect?