The Secret of Living Free is Boring (and, yes--that's the drama-free point)

The secret of living free is . . .  making agreements.    (I know, right? Yawn.)

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(​I'm outta here!)

​(Get back here, you silly goof! 
I’m about to give you the secret to living free--for free.)

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​​Why bother with good agreement habits?
Because your precious life energy is not entangled in either 1) getting out of agreements you didn’t  make cleanly or 2) figuring out this or that relationship under the weight of semiconscious or unconscious agreements.
 
Our experience of life is actually much sweeter and cleaner, less sticky and less clogged with drama when we make, keep, and change agreements consciously.
 
See? I told you. Totally boring.
And that’s the point.
Making and keeping agreements with integrity keeps relationships mostly drama-free.

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​So, how do I do it?  
How do I make totally boring agreements?
 
Here are the basics:

• Soften. Just a bit.   Say, Hmm, I wonder . . . .I wonder if this agreement thing might really help me live more freely?

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• Invite your own inner wisdom to help you discern--and decide to make only those agreements that you really want to make.  This sounds impossible, I know.  But it is absolutely possible--and even easy, once you get the hang of it.  Also, it's necessary.  You can't be free if you feel coerced into agreements that don't serve your highest purpose.
• Say no to any agreement that you don’t want make.  For some people, this is easy, a no-brainer.  But for those of us who are Enneagram Nines or Twos, and for those of us who are women, saying no is a really hugely big wonkin' deal.  And so an opportunity arises--to get in touch with your own amazing body's yes or no.  
• Learn that is it okay to change agreements that aren’t working--and learn how.  
• Use your whole body wisdom to decide quite consciously:  Why, yes!   Or--hmm, no.  Or:  this agreement isn’t working for me anymore. I need to change it.  

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There is no need to "make" the other person forgive you.

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But wait--what is an agreement, really, if it can just be changed?
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1) An agreement is between you and another person or persons.
It is not an intention (Let’s have lunch sometime.) or a commitment (I am committed to maintaining a healthy diet.)
2) It is bound in time and place. (I will call or text you by tomorrow night to firm up our plans for lunch.)

 
What happens when I break an agreement?
So (and this is the clincher. This is the part that really makes you free):  what happens when I screw up? forget to call? don't do what I agreed to?

 
Remember: the secret of  living free is boring. 
Feel the adrenaline spike. And then do a boring thing:  acknowledge it.  Just acknowledge it. No drama, no hysterics. Acknowledge that you made an agreement and that you didn’t keep it. There is no need to “make” the other person forgive you. Just say, "I said I would call last night, and I didn’t.  Are you still up for making lunch plans?”)  Experiment. See what it feels like not to apologize, just to acknowledge. See if you can share your feelings without expecting a certain response.  Be attuned to your body as you make, change, and sometimes acknowledge broken agreements.

What happens when someone breaks an agreement with me?
Learn and use your emotional intelligence:  Feel all your feelings.  Breathe into your truth.  Share that truth in a way that protects both you and the other person.  Thereafter:  Honor the wisdom of the amazing Maya Angelou:  "People tell you who they are. Once they tell you, believe them. They know themselves better than you do. Believe them!  (Listen at 49:56)

What happens when the other person breaks an agreement with me?

My own practice stems from my training with Rhonda Mills and the Hendricks Institute. And I highly recommend that you explore these videos and download "Impeccable Agreements" from this page.

​And yes--of course  I can help.  You can learn to easily attune to all the wisdom of your body's wonderful intelligence center so you can enter pro-actively into agreements that are alive, dynamic, and serve your highest purpose.  Just ask.